


Session Report:Amphetamine

by obliviscere



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Replay Value, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 12:09:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13903743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obliviscere/pseuds/obliviscere
Summary: Universal Timestamp: 3.256.128Local Timestamp: August 4, 2017Planet Type: EarthDisclaimer: As you should know, if your current Universal Timestamp is before mine, do not read this. I’m not gonna say anything else, I know how stupid Paradox Space is.





	Session Report:Amphetamine

>connect_server Bl’a-30a  
>Connecting to Bl’a-30a…  
>Connected to Bl’a-30a in 32.12 seconds.  
>retrieve_file Amphetamine.  
>Retrieving Amphetamine…  
>Retrieved Amphetamine in 0.96 seconds.  
\- - -  
Universal Timestamp: 3.256.128  
Local Timestamp: August 4, 2017  
Planet Type: Earth  
Disclaimer: As you should know, if your current Universal Timestamp is before mine, do not read this. I’m not gonna say anything else, I know how stupid Paradox Space is.  
***  
I don’t like to keep track of how many sessions I’ve gone through, but I do have a document stored away with Bl’ablkra in my Furthest Ring BlacKloud (two tb for only 948 boondollars at some interval function that I can’t figure out). I’ll say this: I’m far enough along to know that if you try to trick the game, it’ll play you five ways to Sunday. So when you want to speedrun Sburb, you have to be honest with it. Make your intentions clear from the get go. It’ll probably be reluctant to comply, Skaia detests any attempt to speed up the game. Speedrunners are known to die at an atypically high rate, which is obvious. But what isn’t obvious is this: do speedrunners die at a faster rate because of the inherent danger of the attempt, or because Sburb seriously just hates speedrunners?  
It won’t always refuse outright. It won’t ruin a session because of one player who wants to speedrun, because, as controversial as it is to say, a session doesn’t always include Personal Growth for you. Most Maids, for example, just end up dead. Their Personal Growth is going from being alive to being dead, and dealing with that. Does it really count as Personal Growth if you’re refused both The (proverbial) Ultimate Reward and life? So the game doesn’t always care about you enough to really bother stopping you. Other times, Sburb recognizes that the Mythological Roles your team rolled are just too sweet to pass up the chance at breaking a speedrun record. The game has a personality, as any veteran knows, and it loves shenanigans.  
The most difficult thing about speedrunning is getting your team in on it. Although you can speed up the game significantly by yourself – killing the Black King alone is a bitch, but you can do it – having a team with the same goal is best. Besides, Sburb is usually more lenient when the entire team has a set goal, especially when it’ll lead to Personal Growth for all of them. Some people like to threaten the others with death, but that’s in poor taste. Having a class or aspect with a high Persuasion skill, like Heart or Guide, really helps. Aside from that, it’s just the luck of the draw.  
Except when you fuck with the replay system before hitting Restart and ending up with three other players who want to speedrun.  
I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’ve seen the whole forum dedicated to this session. We’ve dedicated months to this session, formally named SR.2093-01 and colloquially named Amphetamine, and we expect to break the speedrunner’s community record of thirty-seven days, five hours, and twenty-eight seconds by at least one hour.  
As of yet, we have not entered the session. I have been declared scribe for the session, and in my previous session I set up another deal with Bl’ablkra to create this server to transmit our story. (For those of you interested in the Horrorterrors, it is interesting to note that Deals involving bodily parts made with them will run into other sessions.) If we die, a ~ATH code will execute that will rip this text from Bl’ablkra’s server and post it to a random server that is temporally and spatially eternal. Even if my Deal with Bl’ablkra may break upon my death, the text will still survive. I would like to thank my old Time and Space sessionmates, regulatingMonstrosity and ludicrousRose, for writing that ~ATH code. I truly hope you two can access this document relative to your timepoint, and if so, I would love to hear from you two to know you’re okay.  
We were honest with Sburb from the beginning, and since the game has put us all together like this when we requested it, it can only be assumed that it is approving.  
Right now, we have been in the new world for about a week. SkaiaNet is in our universe, and it appears that it will have the typical cycle of becoming extremely large, priming the world for Sburb, and then releasing the game. We have not yet determined what version of Sburb our universe has. We have not yet found a SkaiaNet Dungeon, but, based on SkaiaNet’s priming scheme, we have about two and a half years until we enter. However, as always, we won’t know until we find the timer in the SkaiaNet Dungeon.  
***  
Back in the beginning days of speedrunning, before we even had an organized forum, there was actually a pretty large sect that wanted to find a way to sequence break presession. Now, thanks to the organized community, we know there is really no way to speed this up. A lot of people are dismissive of presession, but I’ve always enjoyed it – it gives us a chance to reconnect with what we once knew, even if it’s not the same exact life that we once led. It’s also a time to relax, calmly edit essays, review collected data, and interact with the replaying community.  
I have always ended up back on Earth. Never have I heard of anyone ending up on a completely unfamiliar planet. I have heard talk on the forums about people ending up on what the locals call Ma’. For those interested, elasticMariner recently published a paper discussing the taxonomy of Genesis Frogs and how it is possible that these supposed Ma’ planets are the start of a new strain caused by a weird mutation that inverted the identification tags for natural water and land on normal Earth planets. Although this identification makes geographical sense, the cultures that arose on Ma’ seem to be extremely altered. But I digress.  
To return to Earth, though, I enjoy presession very much. I am always returned to the culture that I am native to – Pacific Northwest America, around the 21st Century. Lately, I have taken to traveling. I have found that the Guardians are coded to follow and protect you (which includes paying for hotels and food) no matter what, and although they will often chastise you, they won’t ever physically stop you from doing what you want. It can be incredibly awkward at first, but you can do illegal things, like drugs, in front of your Guardians, and they can’t do anything except give you a Condescending Glare or something and apply a weird status effect that I noticed a few sessions ago, [Guardian Disapproval]. I haven’t been a Heart player in a while, so I haven’t been able to personally examine it, but in my previous session, our Dame of Heart checked it out and said that it wasn’t even connected to anything, it was just text.  
Some people have moral dilemmas about disrespecting their Guardians like this, but I threw off those ethics sessions ago. Presession is just way too boring to not do what you want, especially when the Guardian isn’t even yours, but some kid’s that got eaten up by Paradox Space or whatever. After going through session after session, school becomes kind of ridiculous to attend. Even thinking back to my attempts at going to school the first few times I replayed makes me anxious again. I can’t begin to tell you how many anxiety attacks I got just being in the school building.  
So instead, I decided that each presession would be devoted to investigating the cultures of 21st Century Earth. Unfortunately, a lot of the planet is horribly dangerous due to war and unequal distribution of wealth, but there are various places that you can visit that are rich with culture. I particularly enjoy visiting the Andalucía region of Spain, Argentina, Italy, and northern China. Knowing the language helps enormously, so I would recommend taking time to learn them, or make a Deal with one of the Smaller Gods. A few sessions ago, Lin (yes, I know, a particularly short and non-phlegmy name for a Horrorterror) offered me a Deal: my Voice after death in exchange for any language I want. I just have to burn a dictionary of the language I want to learn and the language is in my head, although my knowledge of the language is not limited to that dictionary. I doubt the burning is necessary, you just know how dramatic these things must be. Obviously, finding a dictionary is sometimes hard, especially for minority languages, but I’ve burned papers with a few translated words from a native speaker, and it had the same effect.  
I’m sorry about going on about presession, but I truly think a lot of replayers get caught up in the game too much. We get in-between periods for a reason. Get a hobby, find something to keep you busy, get some Personal Growth that isn’t dependent on you almost getting murdered by a ten-foot monster. I love the thrill of speedrunning as much as the next person, but it’s like drugs: you need to limit yourself or you’re gonna need more and more to get pumped. Plus, there are countless names of areas, weapons, and items that have origins from the mythologies of Earth, or the other planets, and there a lot of researchers attempting to record these connections on the forum. I have contributed a bit to this field, tentatively named telosology, from Ancient Greek κόνῐς, which means “connected with mysteries” or something like that.  
I don’t like getting attached to the Guardians. I usually have some dramatic episode with them, some screaming match, to make our relationship value drop down as low as possible really quickly. Severs any empathy links, and then when they die in-game, you don’t even really give a shit. Just some random non-player, like a Dersite agent. My Guardian this time – whose name I haven’t even learned – can flash step, which makes me want to ask her to teach me, but I don’t think it’s worth it. I’ve lived through so many sessions, I don’t need it now.  
As for the other players, I’m sure that you will recognize them.  
Gwen Farrow Native Knight of Heart enablingInvestiagtor She was the person to make popular the glitch that exploits the infinite-growth model on the Denizen treasure. She follows a Progenesis mindset, prioritizing the creation of the Genesis Frog above everything, even player death. I’ve known her since I’ve joined the speedrun community, and we have published many papers together, most recently, The Connections between a Mind Player’s Personal Quest and Ancient Greek Plays. Like most native Knight players, she uses Swordkind, but is known for using the fringe definitions of “sword,” and she is known for creating the Heart move [Jailbreak], which allows you to mod your weapon at the base data. She often likes to take on the visage of a demonic knight, I’ve heard, modding her sword’s data to be on fire.  
Beatriz Aguirre Native Witch of Blood moonlitPortraits A newer player, this is only her fourth session, but she holds potential. In her very first session, she managed to create new Psybuffs, including [Relax in the Hotel California] and [There Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked], both of which help users refill their relaxation meters faster.  
Lyra Jonson Native Sylph of Flow apatheticCancer I’m absolutely sure she was a theatre kid, or she would have become one in high school, if she ever went. I’ve been in a session with her before, and at every session meeting she attended, she made us listen to her latest poem or song or story she was working on. Even so, Sburb just likes her. I can’t explain it. I’ve seen monsters just stop pursuing her because she desired it. She’s a huge believe in positive vibes only, to the point that she’s simply walked out of session meetings because she considered them too depressing. But she works brilliantly on her own. She is difficult to reach, and we oftentimes forget that she is even with us, so we believe that she is a Void player. Beatriz is particularly interested in the Void aspect, she says, especially since it must always coexist with a Space player, if the session has a chance to win. I don’t know what exactly she’s trying to figure out right now, but I’m sure it’ll come out interesting.  
Dominic La Porta Native Seer of Light oceanicChemist Me. I try to remember that Sburb can kill me if it deems me a threat to all existence. I have trouble going on sometimes. I like being the scribe for sessions, and I’m a firm believer in descriptionism. Every session should be described by at least one player in the session, even if it be a brief summary. This session, I would like to continue my research, linking mythological roles’ planetary journeys with the history of cultures on Earth. That is, I believe that the planetary roles mimic historical events, and if we learn these historical events, or are at least able to recognize them to look them up in a database, we can experience Personal Growth much faster. I will be trying to identify what culture my planet is based off of, and then I will determine if I can complete my planetary quest faster than players who do not recognize the culture or know the story.  
***  
I decided to spend my presession inspecting the London theatre scene. I focused mainly on Shakespeare, as I never once in my years studied him since I was never forced to in school. I haven’t really been enjoying him, to be honest, but knowledge is knowledge. Just gotta fuckin shove it on in there. It was difficult to convince certain archives to let me see original proofs, but my Guardian was sufficiently wealthy this session, so she just bought every library in London more space. I was a god among these scholars with their weird accents.  
But every presession must come to an end; the SkaiaNet Dungeon was found, by Lyra. She took a picture of the timer, and there were only two days remaining. She found the main computer, and, to our surprise, another name was listed on the players: Samir Rathod. He lived on the east coast of the States, but no one was near that area. I searched the forums for his name, but found nothing. Not surprising; many players go by only their username, and there are many lurkers who don’t even have profiles. I know there is a strong current trying to push away from organized playthroughs, but having a scribe for each session to record basic information would be infinitely useful, such as in this case.  
As it turns out, Lyra somehow figured out Samir’s pesterchum – yes, I know, odd that he would use that shitty app. I’m sure this is her tapping into her powers from the game already, since we are so close to entering. With the session so close, I won’t try to guess her Mythological Role, although I have an idea.  
Samir responded to Lyra the next day. I had finally settled down in an apartment in London, a nice place where I had wifi installed. There were three other networks that I could leech from, if I needed, and I even had bought an iPhone to set up a personal hotspot. I was ready to enter the session and begin the speedrun after two years of rest. But now we come to find out that Samir, a boy who is truly fourteen years old, who has lived only one year for every year that he has been alive, knows nothing of Sburb. He is not a replayer. Is this the exchange that we made with Sburb? We are allowed three experts in speedrunning, but one person must be completely new to Sburb? Some kid who will be losing his entire world for the first time? I can’t imagine how cruel we’ll seem to him.  
For those interested, my Earth came out with a flavor of Doritos I’ve never seen before: mint green tea. I urge all of you to influence the company that produces Doritos in your universe for them to try to create this flavor.  
***  
A week into the game, and we still haven’t had our first session meeting to set an endtime for the game. My guardian got captured by Dersite agents, so I had to go through a lot of the dream missions to finally save her. For the first time since my first session, I played craps again in the Dersite Casino. My native Guardian taught me how to play, really loved to go down the shore to the casinos. We’d play in the hotel room, or I’d walk the beach alone while he played on the floors. I’m sure, looking back, knowing how this game works, we both must have drawing upon her native Light aspect. And now, I can feel the Whisperings of Light once more – my sprite has not even told me that I am a Light player yet, as the rat I prototyped is apparently mute, but I can feel it. I have my Native aspect once more – does this mean I will have the same lesson as my very first session, all those years ago?  
I don’t really know why I saved my Guardian this session, why I went through all the trouble of the Dersite Casino. I completely wrecked the craps tables, though, made an absolute killing. For those who don’t mind having the Criminal tag, you can introduce alcohol to the casino, and it’ll ridiculously increase your chances of winning since all the carapacians will be too drunk to realize what’s going on. They have one shot and they’re gone. Best thing is, if you’re not doing a speedrun, you can just chill in the casino with your friends and get plastered. The second best thing is, if you’re actually good at craps – or if you can channel your Light, Flow, or Mind aspects – into gambling, you can make a ridiculous amount of money right at the start of the game.  
As soon as I got my Guardian out of the cell, she flashstepped into the stabby Dersite agent’s knife. Dead. I leveled up quite a bit and got a good sum of money, but it’s still frustrating that I wasted a week on the dream missions, when I should have been focusing on my planet’s journey. I brought her back to our room in the hotel, thought I would at least give her the respect of a burial, and then my sprite decided to fly right under where I was dropping her body. Prototyped. You know how Sburb loves that dead shit.  
All of the monsters are absolutely disgusting now, covered in boils and fleas. I think that Samir prototyped his sprite with his dead sugar glider, so now all the monsters can glide from trees and buildings. They’re all kinda like Batman now. I don’t think Samir liked that comparison, because he stopped responding to me when I pointed it out. The others prototyped pretty normal things: a robot arm, a golden trophy, and a Midnight Jasmine candle. The last, I must say, is genius. All of us have noted that our planets smell wonderful, regardless of the physical condition. I am particularly thankful, as my planet is possible the most disgusting planet I’ve ever had. It seems to be a medieval city, the streets lit by torch- and Skaialight, and I have yet to find a single consort who will speak to me. They all are locked up, speaking of the purge of monsters, the night that must end, regular cryptic bullshit that doesn’t really help you figure out how to fix the problem.  
Tried to make a replacement for the hand that I had sacrificed to Bl’ablkra, but any prosthetic I make, biological or not, refuses to take. It actually erupts into flames as soon as I try to attach it to my wrist. Thankfully it’s my nondominant hand, but it is still frustrating to have to go through the game onehanded. Despite my onehandedness, my attack stats are going through the roof; I must be an active, offensive class.  
I have flown towards the clouds of Derse to hold an audience with a Lesser God, Mak’rallok. In that creepy inside-your-head static, it offered a Deal with me. Of course it knew what I wanted, as they always do. It wanted something strange, though – my memories, of a previous session, any previous session. I thought back to quite a few, especially the more depressing ones, and I handed over an entire session to this goliath. It seems all information about that session has been completed obfuscated. Even in my private documents, the data from that session has been corrupted. In return, Mak’rallok gave me a ~ATH code that will collect textual information from the game: every time I gain a new item, it will record the name in a document that I will receive – through what method, I don’t know – when the session’s universe dies. After the static in my head disappeared, I don’t remember much. I woke up in a Dersite’s apartment, passed out on their bed. I had apparently fallen from the sky, into an alleyway, and my approval rating was high enough that this random citizen had taken care of me. She even fed me soup. I’d recommend getting your rank up just to try that soup.  
***  
On the ninth day, we finally organized a meeting. We met on Samir’s planet, so that he didn’t have to travel. It was odd to be in his house, with his Native family portraits still hung up. He had lived with his sister, mom, and grandma. He told me that his sister and mom had been out of the house when the meteors started falling; only his grandma entered the Medium with him, and she was missing. We assured him that he would definitely see his grandma before the end of the game, but a measured silence filled the room afterward. None of us wanted to look at each other.  
We determined our mythological roles as the following:  
Dominic Prince of Light  
Lyra Seer of Void  
Beatriz Page of Space  
Gwen Thief of Time  
Samir Guard of Heart  
Obviously we’re interpreting Gwen’s role as a fortunate sign. We don’t have an absolutely wonderful lineup, but my extremely active class will help us move forward through brute force. It will make the Black King fight easier. Thanks to the Guard’s ability [Pon de Replay], he can apply infinite psybuffs to us, and we got right started on that. Lyra said she was nervous about her planet, the Land of Oblivion and Forgetting. Not much we can do, though, she just needs to get through her quest.  
Samir is adjusting well. He’s keeping himself occupied with quests and dungeons, and every so often I’ll drop by to teach him something about the Heart aspect. I already showed him how to go into the Shiny of non-living objects, and soon I’ll introduce him to Shiny mods in living things. Once we get to farther in the game, we’ll need him to max out our stats. Right now, he’s just making weapon adjustments for us, which is useful. He has quite the crafting skill, and he created a wristband that channels my energy into what he calls an AT field, the first loophole we’ve found around the Curse that the horrorterror had put on my (lack of) left hand. I’m not sure if that name is actually appropriate to its origins in NGE, but it looks like one – clear, translucent energy I can use as a beam, as a sword, as a hammer. Samir has taken to using an axe that he modded to send arcs of electricity through enemies. Not the most creative thing, but I can tell he’s really trying. Probably keeps his mind off what’s going on.  
We predicted that the game would take twenty-seven days to complete. Gwen, our lovely leader, reminded us that there is no room for failure. Is that true? I wanted to ask. But I held myself back; there was no point to argue.


End file.
